Neo’s Grocery Adventures (April 2013)

Many people find grocery shopping dull, but not me!  For the most part I am highly entertained by all the ways consumerism, trademarks, bad marketing, and with the combination of my guttural mind warp what is seemingly innocent products into terrible things.  Just about every time I go to the store there is something new and amazing (in terrible ways).  So I figure that I’ll share my choice findings with you all. Besides, today is rolling restart day in Second Life.  We all know how much we can get done inworld while that’s going on!

20130416.Grocery_001First up: Salad Toppins — not Salad Toppings, or Salad Toppin’s, but Salad Toppins. These were found amongst the bacon bits, both real and fake. Upon finding them I just cocked my head a little and tried to process what I was seeing. We had already passed the croutons a long while ago, and these obviously weren’t bacon bits — but there they were amongst the fake bacon flavored chunks.  Skeptically we picked them up and shook them.  Southwest was the flavor, and all I could think of was how depression and retirement homes in Arizona tasted. Occasionally we buy things in the name of science, but this time we did not. Apo said something like, “These should be called Seasoned Starch Nubbins”. We put them back and moved on.

20130416.Grocery_002Near the end of our grocery adventure we ran into this little gem. It is an air freshener that is supposed to smell like BLACK iCE. Most of my adult working life has been driving jobs in Minnesota, and so I know a lot about black ice; both through the news and experience. I looked over to Apo and told her, “This smells like a fatal car crash!”. Being the horrible people we are we chuckled for a second, then sighed the sigh of depression. I know they’re trying to be “cool” with marketing and the like.  And I know Texas probably hasn’t experienced Black Ice.  But some marketing people should have done their research instead of stringing a cool sounding phrase together.

 

20130416.Grocery_003Moments before we saw the BLACK iCE at the end of the greeting card isle, at the bottom of  a giftcard rack, we saw this. It was a card with a half naked dude and a wiener dog on his lap who is saying “You look absolutely wonderful today!”.  At first I thought, “Oh the wiener dog is his wiener!”  But then I noticed the wiener dog is actually defying gravity on it’s own. It was then that I realized that the dog is being supported by his wiener. Oh the horrible wrong-bad places I go for a laugh. Just because you can make greeting cards with photoshop, doesn’t mean you should. I did not open the card, but in retrospect I should have.